you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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