There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
