Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
