were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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