i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
