This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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