i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
