My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
