oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
