Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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