Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
