I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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