awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
