$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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