Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Randomize