It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize