Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Randomize
