There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Couch. On fire.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
