I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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