Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
