Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
