Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Randomize
