yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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