Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize