Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
