I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
