I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize