Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
your like the ambassador to my penis.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
