I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
