she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
