the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
