lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
why is half of my head shaved?
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