Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
