god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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