I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
