I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
