Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
