You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
