Duck Duck Cougar?
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
