a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
