Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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