Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
