The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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