thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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