apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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