I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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