nut hugger
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
