I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
