Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
