he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize