I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
