Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
