I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
