so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
