yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
