Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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