God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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