Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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