Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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