you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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