I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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