I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
whose parrot is this?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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