I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
