hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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