I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
