i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
