I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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