Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
