i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
