Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
