I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
