remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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