Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
