How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Congratulations! We have a period
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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