You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
