he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
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