THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
