Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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