Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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