worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
