A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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