Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
