do herpes really smell.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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