This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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