I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
where does the pee come out of this thing
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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