some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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